Snore Wars: Could sleeping separately be the secret to a better night’s rest?

We all know how important sleep is, yet many of us find ourselves tossing, turning and nudging a snoring partner well into the night. As we age, good-quality sleep becomes even more vital to our health and wellbeing, and for some couples, that’s prompting a radical rethink of the shared bed.

At Stannah, we recently delved into sleep data and discovered a surprising shift: by the time we reach our mid-thirties, sleep quality begins to decline, and by age 75+, the cumulative sleep debt can amount to more than 19 days per year. That’s nearly three weeks lost to restless nights.

So, is the answer to this sleep crisis a ‘sleep divorce’?

The rise of the sleep divorce

While the idea of sleeping apart might sound like a red flag for some, more and more couples are choosing to sleep in separate beds - or even separate rooms - in pursuit of better rest. And they’re not shy about it.

Meet Julia, 56, and Matt, 54, from South East London. They’ve been together for 23 years, married for 16 - and sleeping apart for 19 of those. The reason? Matt’s chronic snoring. But according to Julia, it’s the best thing they ever did for their relationship.

“We can kiss, cuddle and everything else at any time of day or night wherever and whenever we feel like it – intimacy doesn’t have to be confined to bed times or bedrooms,” she explains.

The couple even stick to their separate arrangements when travelling, ensuring uninterrupted beauty sleep wherever they go.

“Don’t feel ashamed – it’s much more common than you think,” Julia says. “Many couples would do the same if they were lucky enough to have the room! You’ll both sleep better, go to bed and wake up on your own schedule, and even decorate your bedroom how you like. It’s a win-win.”

Sleep loss adds up with age

Stannah’s analysis of ONS data revealed that people aged 45 to 64 get significantly less sleep than younger generations, managing just 8.7 hours a night on average compared to 9.6 hours for 18–24-year-olds. Even those aged 65+, who typically sleep a little longer, still fall short of the recommended 9 hours.

But it’s not just quantity that declines - it’s quality, too.

REM sleep, the stage critical for memory and mood, also decreases with age. Younger adults get around 2.16 hours of REM sleep each night, while those in the 45–64 age bracket only manage 1.96 hours. Over a year, this results in a 3-day REM sleep debt compared to those in their twenties.

Why sleep matters more as we age

According to Stannah’s family psychotherapist Anjula Mutanda, these changes in sleep can affect more than just energy levels.

“A good night’s sleep is vital for our daily functions - from boosting mood and cognitive clarity to reducing stress and improving long-term health,” Anjula explains. “As we age, factors like needing to use the bathroom more frequently or chronic snoring can seriously impact sleep quality - not just for one person, but for both.”

So, what happens when your partner’s restlessness starts affecting your own?

“It’s perfectly natural to explore ways to improve sleep - including sleeping separately. It’s not a sign of a failing relationship. In fact, taking a break from sharing a bed can lead to both partners feeling more rested, healthier, and ultimately, happier together.”

Staying connected while sleeping apart

If you’re considering trying a ‘sleep divorce’, Anjula recommends keeping communication open and reframing it as a health-conscious, practical step rather than a relationship issue.

“Try a ‘test-it-out’ session. See how you both feel after a few nights apart. You might find you wake up feeling refreshed and more emotionally connected during the day.”

Maintaining a healthy bond outside of bedtime is key. Prioritise date nights, quality time, and affection throughout the day - even if you’re not snoozing side by side.

Final thoughts

Whether you’re dealing with snoring, different body clocks, or just craving a bit more personal space, sleeping separately could be the sleep solution you didn’t know you needed. As Julia and Matt have proven, it doesn’t mean the end of romance - it might just be the beginning of better rest.

So, if your sleep is suffering, it might be time to ask yourself: is it time to start your own Snore Wars?